gottman · From the library
The Four Horsemen (and their antidotes)
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling predict relationship distress — here is how to counter each.
Evidence: ★★★★★
Gottman's research identifies four communication patterns that strongly predict relationship trouble.
- Criticism → antidote: a gentle start-up ("I feel… I need…").
- Contempt (the strongest predictor) → antidote: build appreciation and fondness.
- Defensiveness → antidote: take responsibility for your part.
- Stonewalling → antidote: self-soothe, take a break, then return.
Educational content, not therapy or medical advice. In crisis? Our Safety resources are always free.