From the library

Sharing the care of an aging parent

Caregiving strains sibling and family relationships through invisible imbalance and unspoken decisions. Regular, explicit coordination protects both the parent and the relationship.

Evidence: ★★★★★

When a parent starts needing care, old family roles resurface and the load almost never lands evenly. The caregiver who lives closest typically absorbs the most — and the least visible — work.

What protects the relationship:

Make the load explicit. List everything (visits, finances, calls, paperwork, emotional support). Imbalance you can see can be negotiated; imbalance you can't becomes resentment.
Decide how you will decide. Agree early on how care, money, and living decisions get made — before a crisis forces it at the worst moment.
Credit different currencies. Money, time, proximity, and emotional labor are all real contributions, and they are not interchangeable for everyone.
Watch for burnout. A sustainable 70% beats an exhausted 110%. Respite care and outside help are care too.

Caring for the relationship between caregivers is part of caring for the parent.

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